relinquishing control

artwork by nataliedee.com ~ words by me

A challenge was presented during our small-group night at church, last Wednesday. We were asked to spend our devotional time for the next week focusing on one specific message or theme we felt God was directing us towards.

LISTEN for what God is guiding us, as individuals, to change or pursue or to work out.

I believe God's message for me began settling in my heart and mind immediately. When we were asked for prayer requests, I said I needed help discerning when I *think* I can control my emotions . . like when I am feeling overwhelmed. In other words, do I give up on a bad or sad mood too quickly (accepting the black cloud and doing the bare minimum to get through the day) without asking God for direction or guidance?

The answer is yes. I give in to the emotion, micromanage the things I have to get done, then fall into bed. Even though I *feel* out of control, I am really just trying to control the situation to match and feed my feelings.

artwork by nataliedee.com ~ words by me

I prayed and meditated on these thoughts throughout the next couple of days. I began to feel more and more convicted of my need to control, and repented to God all the ways and situations I could recall 'taking the reigns' without asking Him for guidance.

I specifically asked God to help me relinquish control in situations where I feel I need to meet MY needs before I move on to help others . . . which is, sadly, too often.

God was good and presented a situation for me to relinquish control the very next day! (sarcasm here . . . I was not too happy to begin letting go so soon).

I trust in Him, in His plans for me, and His purpose in placing people in my life to walk with me during this life on earth.

BUT . . . . .

Now? You want me to give up control of THIS? (finances. Yep, hand the spreadsheets over)

The answer was y-e-s. Complete release and with a grateful heart.

So I did.

And you know what? My heart WAS grateful and WAS filled with joy for letting go . . . relinquishing control.

Original drawing by Maddi ~ words added by me

The message continued last night during an evening education session at church. The title of the lesson was "When Grace Doesn't Seem Amazing" and one of the sub-points was "You Are Not in Control" or "Hey Amy, You Had Better Sit Up, Take Notes, and Listen Vvveeerrryyy Carefully to This Part"

- "One of the most dangerous delusions for each of us is the delusion of our own sovereignty. And one of our most dangerous idols is the idol of control. If we spend our days trying to establish our sovereignty and our control, then we have not yet learned to rest in the Lord's control" ~ Paul Tripp

Alright Lord, I hear you loud and clear. I will unclench my fists and release the pressure . . . relinquish control. Let it fall away from me as I take a big step back. When my hands are open and empty, my knees firm on the ground, I will receive your word and direction. Accept it without question. These things I will do over and over until I have nothing left to let go.  

This process will take me some time, however. You see Father, you also gave me a daughter with T1D . . . . I still have LOTS of control issues to work through with this one. Please be patient!