Ellie developed a fever late last night and, due to the school rules of being 24 hours fever free (without meds), I knew she would be staying home from school today. I went to sleep concerned about my biddy girl, but completely calm in knowing I would be available to care for her the next day.
A year ago this same scenario would have made my anxiety levels rise and caused my 'panic mode' to engage. Why? Because last year at this time I was working part-time outside the home. I was employed at a place where, when I wasn't available to work, I needed to call and find a substitute for my classes. In addition, I worked with small children and felt guilty knowing they were counting on me to be there. I would be stressed out, frustrated, and definitely NOT focused on the important need right in front of me: my sick child.
I like to remind myself of these scenarios when I am feeling guilty about choosing to stay at home even when all of my kids are full day students. You see, I still do not fully embrace the idea that being a mom, in the capacity I desire, requires me to have a job which does not supply income. Somehow all of the definitions of the word 'job' or 'career' never include 'no salary.' Those words apply to volunteer and parent help. So, I have to sacrifice salary to have the opportunity to be involved in my children's lives ....... at least in the way I have defined for myself in my own self-created job description.
A reminder today to be grateful for the opportunity to care for my baby girl, without worry of letting someone else down or not fulfilling another duty. This is TOTALLY enough for me and I am just finally getting to the point where I can embrace it, rather than feel guilty about not contributing to our family's finances.
Now, if your will excuse me, I must go and find a spot somewhere on that couch where I can get in a little snuggle or two.