on belay

Amazing how a "couple of days" away from the blog (since I posted everyday in July) quickly turn into e-l-e-v-e-n days.  Even I cannot stretch the definition of a 'couple' to include eleven.   

I will, however, provide a definition to my title phrase; on belay

      Belaying is one of the most important climbing skills you will learn and 
     master in the indoor climbing gym. Belaying is the basis of climbing
     safety, of ensuring both your and your partner’s safety. Belaying, simply
     put, is a simple process of holding the rope and the climber in the event of
     a fall. The rope links both the climber and the belayer together in a safety
     partnership, allowing the climber to fall without fear of hitting the ground
     and suffering injury or worse.  (source)






So real that my mind is 'on delay' as a safety measure to prevent catastrophic anxiety attacks.

What do I fear?

~ hitting the ground and not getting back up

~ failure to educate my children to standards

~ my father requiring more help than I feel I can give

~ type one diabetes winning (2 young girls dies this week from t1d)

~ retreating inside my head and missing what is real

What is False?  My perceptions and interpretations of these situations.  I am looking at one piece to the entire puzzle and attempting to see the big picture.

What is Evidence?  My ears and eyes catching bits and pieces of the whole conversation, sending those tiny pieces to my brain for processing - then spit out jumbled with personal emotions. 

What is Appearing?  When I allow my mind to go 'on delay', appearances are deceiving.  They are self-serving.  They are skewed to reflect what I can mentally process.

What is Real?  My sin of fearing ANYTHING but the Lord. 

~ He knows when I fall (He probably pushed me down to teach me a lesson!) and will reach down to pull me up.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

~ He placed in my heart a desire to educate my children at home and He will provide all I need in His perfect timing; not mine.

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."  Proverbs 22:6

~ He is waiting for my father to acknowledge Him. 

"For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.  For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, "Abba, Father"  Romans 8:14-15

~ He made my daughter perfectly, WITH type one diabetes.  A disease doesn't 'win' and He has promised a purpose for Ellie

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

~ He tells me what is real, and it is NOT the voices inside my head.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths"  Proverbs 3:5-6

Being 'on belay' is trusting God with all your heart and all your mind . . . . even when (especially when!) your mind is 'on delay'.


Roselady said...

Anytime you hear of a child dying, it is indeed hard to get past -- esp. when it has to do with d...but put in perspective, most d-children live wonderful, full, safe lives, esp. when they have parents so devoted to their care.
And, if it is any help at all, I always wonder if I'm teaching my kids up to the proper standards. Fortunately, they are naturally smart, or I would really be in trouble (sorry, that probably sounds like a brag, but I owe that to God)...And, as for your father, I'm sorry. I don't know if he is lonely, but so many older people get that way. It is indeed sad. I owe some in my life a few phone calls.
And, I thought this whole belay was you getting used to your new omnipod!

Nikki of Our Diabetic Warrior said...

Sweet friend, I've missed reading your posts! I'm sorry that anxiety is messing with your thoughts. There is nothing worse that battles of the mind.

As Christians, we must keep focus on the Lord and go to Him with everything, especially our worst fears and anxieties.

On the homeschooling front, I can tell you that everyone that I have come into contact with has the thoughts of failure, me included! The Lord has presented this opportunity because He knows that you CAN handle it. When you see your child light up for the first time because they "get" something you're teaching, that is our precious reward!

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I know that caring for a parent can be very difficult. I pray that God gives you the strength that you need.

Always remember that through God, everything is possible!

I'm sending you this verse with love!
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things."

Hang in there! HUGS!!!!

Denise aka 'Mom of Bean' said...

Powerful, my friend!
I have had so much going on, so much 'unknowns' this past week that I, too, have let my brain go on delay instead of trusting my belay partner that promises to always be with me.
I hear by give you permission to go eleven days without blogging it brings you more insights like this! ;)

Jenni at talking hairdryer said...

"I am the way, the TRUTH, and the life."
~ Jesus

I love your heart and I love the truth you keep there.

And, in Texas, "a couple" can mean 2 or 20. Just like "the other day" can mean yesterday or last year.

Leigh said...

Great post, Amy!! Girl, you are DEEP!! I love that and I feel like I learn so much from you!! Thank you for sharing all of your awesome wisdom!! I really needed that!

Meri said...

He is the answer. Look, and we will find, knock and he'll open up what is real.

Love you AaaaammmmyYYY!

Sarah said...

agreed...sadly I feel my mind is "on delay" too often, I keep thinking things will change "if only", yet that only never happens. I am learning to not look ahead, at least trying so that I can depend more on Him in the present.
Thanks for posting this.

Reyna said...

Dang...I have been too busy snorting Afrin and Popping Benadry while chugging wine!!! What is that called...not delay, but hiding??? Perhaps.

Wonderful post. And, I am with Leigh...YOU.ARE.DEEP! I need to get out of my shallow self...OY. xo

Lora said...

I think I might be a little in hiding with Reyna... just a little. My mind is so busy this week that I lay in bed wide awake; even though I am so exhausted.

Great post Amy!