I will, however, provide a definition to my title phrase; on belay.
So real that my mind is 'on delay' as a safety measure to prevent catastrophic anxiety attacks.
What do I fear?
~ hitting the ground and not getting back up
~ failure to educate my children to standards
~ my father requiring more help than I feel I can give
~ type one diabetes winning (2 young girls dies this week from t1d)
~ retreating inside my head and missing what is real
What is False? My perceptions and interpretations of these situations. I am looking at one piece to the entire puzzle and attempting to see the big picture.
What is Evidence? My ears and eyes catching bits and pieces of the whole conversation, sending those tiny pieces to my brain for processing - then spit out jumbled with personal emotions.
What is Appearing? When I allow my mind to go 'on delay', appearances are deceiving. They are self-serving. They are skewed to reflect what I can mentally process.
What is Real? My sin of fearing ANYTHING but the Lord.
~ He knows when I fall (He probably pushed me down to teach me a lesson!) and will reach down to pull me up.
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33
~ He placed in my heart a desire to educate my children at home and He will provide all I need in His perfect timing; not mine.
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6
~ He is waiting for my father to acknowledge Him.
"For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, "Abba, Father" Romans 8:14-15
~ He made my daughter perfectly, WITH type one diabetes. A disease doesn't 'win' and He has promised a purpose for Ellie
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11
~ He tells me what is real, and it is NOT the voices inside my head.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths" Proverbs 3:5-6
Being 'on belay' is trusting God with all your heart and all your mind . . . . even when (especially when!) your mind is 'on delay'.